Do you understand the personality of the man you are spending time with? Better yet the personality of the man you plan on marrying. As important as it is for you to know yourself (see the article Are You Who You Portray Yourself to Be?), it is equally important for you to understand who you are spending your precious time with. We are told do not cast our pearls amongst swine. That simply means don’t cast the best that you have on someone undeserving. So much time is spent wasted on fruitless relationships because of the desperation, I believe women feel, so they accept any man with the mindset it’s better than no man. Well I beg to differ, I submit you can do bad all by yourself, you don’t need any help. And if it’s unconditional love you desire, if you want a being that is drama free, generally, and is excited every time you enter the room, the get a dog! I say this with tongue in cheek and with a little light humor coupled with a healthy dose of sincerity. What I believe is the biggest destructive feeling, primarily women experience, is their need to be loved. That need is sometimes drowned out and supplemented with a man or a child. Once we’ve tried to supplant a deep seeded love with what we think is the antidote to healing us, we learn quickly that we took the wrong medicine, and now are left to deal with all the challenges associated with our misplaced need to be love. Is there a right medicine? Is there something you can take that is less costly, more lasting laced with absolutely no regrets? Absolutely! I am here to assure you, ladies, there is balm in Gilead!! (Simple reference that we have the right stuff right at our finger tips to heal all of our brokenness.) Are you ready? Here we go. Hang on because it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
I know right now some of you are saying she’s getting ready to get all holy on me. Someone else is saying she thinks God is the answer for everything. Well I have to tell you that you are right I do. Here’s the premise. It’s difficult to understand, without you truly spending time in your word, to understand how to deal with deep seeded need, whether it’s relational, finance, child rearing, loneliness, pain, suffering, depression, and desperation without getting into the operators manual to clearly grasp what is needed to fix “the problem”. Perfect example: when a car breaks down, you don’t go into your house and look for the refrigerator operating manual. You need the right manual from the actual maker of the product to figure out how to fix it. Following me? Good. If you believe that God created you, then you need the Creator of you to help fix that what ails you. Well where do you find the operating manual? You got it, it’s the bible! Stay with me.
I’m BROKEN fix me. I’m tired of being abused, I’m tired of being lonely, I’m tired of hurting, and I’m tired of sleepless nights. Let’s face it I am tired of living. Our desperation truly comes from a void in us, unexplainable to the naked eye, yet if probed we find we haven’t a clue how to deal with all the disillusionment we are feeling. I don’t mean to sound or come across as simplistic. I am suggesting if what you have chosen to do to heal or even numb your inner struggles hasn’t worked, what do you have to lose by trying something, or better yet, someone else? Always remember the definition of insanity it’s doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
In order for this to work you have to grasp and embrace some very basic principles about this journey you are about to embark on.
· God is not some Santa Claus or some pezz dispenser, just dropping in and out when you need Him. You must get to know Him and for maximum results you must do things His way.
· You can’t simply read the bible, you must dig into it. Treat it like a study guide. A manual that you have to research to get maximum insight, with insight comes a heart change, and with a heart change comes the healing.
· Like any relationship you only get out of it what you put into it.
· Like any relationship in order for both parties to feel truly included, you have to truly include each other in your daily dealings.
· Just like you know what the man you’ve spent time likes, loves, hates. Just like you know what makes him laugh, sad, or anxious. You have to get to really know God. That means you can’t only go to church on a Sunday and never spend time with God on a private, intimate level. How much more if someone loves you unconditional, God, should you commit your time to?
· You must believe that God cares about you and wants you to experience a life secure in the knowledge that you are complete in Him. Meaning, ladies, if necessary, you can walk this life fulfilled with all that God has for you.
· You must learn to see yourself through the eyes of God. And learn how valuable and special He finds you. Once you do that no one, I mean absolutely no one can enter your space and make you feel any different. No man can define you he can and should only speak the same thing that God’s speak of you. How do you learn what God says about you? Got it, read/study the bible. It’s in there!
Bottom line you must stop looking to the world to find happiness, contentment, or fulfillment. Paul said in Philippians – whatever state I find myself in my life I’ve learned to be content. Paul, just like we need to understand, understood that God was in charge of his life and He deems what Paul should or shouldn’t have. So in his trust of God Paul was saying it’s good enough for me.
You must embrace the two deep principles – trust in Lord with all your heart lean not to your own understandings – (stop trying to figure it out your life through human intellect, it’s a spiritual thing yal!) lean not to your own understandings in all your ways acknowledge God and He will direct your path. (He will bring what He has for you in your path.) Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of heart. The interesting thing about this truth is when you spend time with God is a real tangible way, your desire and God’s desire, become one and the same.
Now it’s up to you. Do you want to get better, do better? Do you really want peace in this world? Do you want to be a part of the solution in your life and no longer be considered part of the problem? Because don’t get it twisted, until you link yourself to the source of all that this world and the world to come has to offer, you are a part of your own problem.If you answer yes to anyone of the questions then you must do what you have to do. If you are really tired of being sick and tired then do the right thing for yourself. Save your safe through the One who saves!
Once again you have hit the nail on the head! What both men and women must understand is that it is not until they develope an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ FIRST, they will never experience a fulfilling relationship. There will be moments of fulfillment, but not lasting. It is imperative that we know that we as humans can never fully fulfill the other individual; only God can.
God bless you