This phenomenon has always plagued many individuals and for me in particular it has boggled my mind, because it simply made no sense to me. The question “Why do women prefer bad boys?” Why is it that many women do not prefer the good boys? I actually polled men and women on this question and no one truly seemed to have a good answer. Some said the sexual revolution of women taking on more independent roles where the desire for a man to perform within the precepts set forth in the bible seemed to evaporate. Other stated the reason behind it was the decline in families participating in Christian settings. But I had to dispute that because just as many women in the church as outside the church prefer the bad boy. Another thought was that women have a fix it up mentality and they’re not looking for a product that comes with all its parts. They’d rather go to the junkyard to find used parts or better yet they’ll go to the new parts division and try to put new parts on an old broken down model. Why does there seem to be a preference for rough necks? Preference for men who always seems to get into trouble? Preference for men who mistreat women? Preference for men who stay in and out of trouble? Preference for men who cheat, over populate, and bring a whole bunch of drama to the party? Preference for men who verbally and physically abuse? Why does that bad boy generally have a physique that screams bronze and yet brains appears to be a missing component? In the bronze division a woman told me that it spoke of physical strength and protection. I asked the follow up question - are muscles and physiques the only standard for strength and protection? She had to admit “no” after thinking about it for a while. She realized she really hadn’t considered another type as one who could protect and provide physical strength. I also asked the question was physical strength the only strength important in a relationship? Is mental strength, not mental abuse or dominance, but strength that stays the course, strength that stands up under pressure without pulverizing someone. Is not strength that garners the respect of your children an even more attractive quality than simply bronze? I ask you the same question.
If I were to give a definition of a “bad boy” it would be one who is more of a liability than an asset to you - they withdrawal more from you than they deposit. You are always in a deficit mode instead of an overflow mode. They are selfish and self centered considering no one but themselves. So if we were defining a good boy he would be the opposite of the bad boy. He would deposit more than he withdrawals. You would always be in an overflow mode rather than a deficit mode. He would be selfless and you centered considering others over himself. In other words he would be an asset rather than a liability.
What is it about the well groomed, well spoken, well educated, family focused men who can be sensitive, considerate, and exceptional provider that many women are not attracted too? What is it about a man who opens a door, stands back to allow you to enter a room first, or extends his hand to help you us that repels you?
I sought God out on this very same question. It appeared He was silent on this issue until one day He gave me revelation that I lovingly pass on to you. I was watching T.D. Jakes on television and he made this statement, “a half a woman will only attract half a man. Who will then marry and have only half a marriage.”
Then the Lord gave me this scripture “For you created my innermost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalms 139:13-14. God placed in my heart that these women who choose bad boys as defined above do not place value upon themselves. They feel like this is the best they can do. They have had the very stated example of the bad boy as their primary example placed before them on a regular basis. They have seen men leave their mothers, their children, incarcerated or dead at an early age because of life style choices. They have watched their mothers pay the bills and go to work every day without any help. So the reality is we can’t fault those who choose the bad boys, the bible says train up a child in the way that they should go and when they’re older they won’t depart. If we impart junk into the lives of our children and our own lives we continue the cycle of half-ness instead of wholeness. Most women have not been told that they are fearfully and wonderfully made. They have no idea that God formed their inward parts and made them special. If more women knew this and embraced this they would place a higher value on themselves. They would accept the scripture that states, “you are the head and not the tail.”
Because we do not place a high value on ourselves we have no standards that guide us when accepting a proposal of not only marriage but a proposal to go out with a man. The bible says when a man finds a wife he finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. It also says who can find a virtuous woman for her value is worth more than rubies. It also says that a wife is a crowning glory to her husband. Genesis 1:27; “So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.” When God made man, male and female, He made them in His image and they were equal in their instruction and responsibility. Having said that we must take a look at order. God while having made both male and female, made the male first and prepared him, equipped him for his bride. God didn’t make them at the same time for the reason He was setting order before them. He was making it clear that the man is first to have a place prepared with all the necessities needed for a woman. He also showed man his need for woman. He allowed him to see that before woman there was no suitable mate for him. The father presented Adam with his wife giving his full approval of the union.
So there is order and we do have road map when it comes to identifying a man after God’s own heart – a Good Boy. (If you need scriptures to back up the principles they have been provided for your consideration.)
- He must be a Christian. (Genesis 24:2)
- He must have an active lived out Christian life. (Genesis 24:8) He should live a life that shouts out he’s a Christian as opposed to it being simple a verbal declaration.
- He must have a servant’s heart. (Genesis 24:17-21) He should be willing to consider your needs and wants sometimes over his own.
- He should be equipped in the word so that he can be the spiritual leader of the house. (Ephesians 5:25-27)
- He should not be abusive to you or your children. (Colossians & 21)
- He should be the provider. (Genesis 3:19)
- His love for you should manifest in the way God intended. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)
- He should have an active prayer life. (Colossians 4:2)
If we remain connected to the Source that reminds us that every good and perfect gift come from above, then we will move from a place of half-ness to wholeness and desire nothing less than a whole man who treats us like the apple of God’s eye. Remember a man will only do what you allow him to do so take a stand and stop believing the crazy hype that a piece of man is better than no man. This also lines up with the sister article "Are Looks the Litmus Test to A Relationship"
May the peace God rest permanently and profoundly in your heart and your home.
Low self-esteem.....That's why women prefer bad azz boys. ~ibgeekboyReplyDelete
that's in general what the article is speaking about it's just difficult to overstate or negate the thinking that has led up to where women are. If we don't fully flush it simply saying it's low self esteem without allowing them to be introspective will never change the trend because the average woman will say I do not have self esteem!! Thanks for your comments.ReplyDelete
You know, I also think it has to do with rebellion. Rebelling against the norm and what is right. Also, the whole thing of being attracted to the "forbidden" fruit. Another reason I can see, is the point of a challenge. I don't know how many women I've heard say that they could "Change" him. SMH. Only God has that kind of power. And I also agree that how a woman feels about herself dictates a whole lot. Also, her relationship with her father. Whether there was one or not.ReplyDelete
Bottom line: if you know who you are and you say you love the Lord, then don't settle for what just stimulates the physical. Go for the whole package that God has specifically ordained for you, when He had you on His mind.
Thank you so much for your wisdom Ms. McDonald!! See this is go great to have input I didn't consider the lack of father figure - then wondered I did the men the mothers have married are reflective of the same bad boys they are drawn to. When father's begin to realize it is their character that their daughter will emulate maybe then they will take it seriously as to how they live their lives and ensure that their daughters and sons have healthy role models!!ReplyDelete
What's funny is, is that we've packaged what this "bad boy" looks like. I used to love what a bad boy once was and when i grew up that changed but let's be fair here...the bad boys are no longer confined to baggy pants, braids and UNintelligent conversations. Now they are hidden in suits, six figured jobs and most definitely apart of the worlds most intelligent...all enabled by the the "lifestyle" bc dope boys aren't the only ones with money and surely can't be the only ones getting the girls.ReplyDelete
In my experience the bad boy was in fact more clear about their position and your position when dealing with them. There weren't as nearly as many grey areas thereare wig dealing with a blue collared bad boy. See they live by the "don't ask don't tell" theory. When u dealt with a real bad boy you were never robbed or your right to make up your own mind, you right to choose what and who to do it with.
Ever wonder why when you date the idea "good guy" why you got so angry? Ever wonder why you wanted to do things to hurt him? Bc in that relationship more than likely you were deceived and that is worse than being lied to, and THAT used to be the distinct difference of why dating a bad boy was easier. That piece of mind use to be worth it.
You can't put any one man in a box just by the way he looks (looking at the pics you close to use) and say go after him bc now men men are not exclusive to one look.
I don't encourage you to date the bad boy but I for sure wont be painting this glass house for this so called "good guy" in a suit to live in.
You just have to get on your knees and have a talk with Jesus about the characterisics of how you want you husband to have.
Thank you madam Benecia for your comments. The bad boys as described in the article were not images of mine but images women discussed with me. Also I put a mix of pictures n not each were necessarily defineable. At the end of the day the essence placed in the article that the bad boy is more of a liability than an asset. They take away more than they bring to the table, doesn't have a face on it. Bottom line as written in the closing: If we remain connected to the Source (God)that reminds us that every good and perfect gift come from above, then we will move from a place of half-ness to wholeness and desire nothing less than a whole man who treats us like the apple of God’s eye. Remember a man will only do what you allow him to do so take a stand and stop believing the crazy hype that a piece of man is better than no man.ReplyDelete
Great post! Reminds me of this Elizabeth Taylor quote - "a woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one."ReplyDelete
I like where you went with this. Insight great! Like to say we don't have to repeat the mistakes of others. We can chose wisely the first time if we want too!!ReplyDelete
Why women prefer bad boys?ReplyDelete
Elizabeth taylor had the right answer to this question.
“The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they’re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.”