This was a beautiful question posed to me. I found that this woman wasn’t an anomaly, that there are many men and women out there who honestly don’t know the answer to that question. Since a woman posed the question I will speak Woman to Woman. It’s been said, “Love your neighbor as thyself”, “do unto others as you would have others do unto you”. I had to ask the question; if you don’t really know how to love, or treat people, do those phrases become subjective?
Here’s what I am suggesting? If I came from an environment that cussing someone was the norm, I then replicate that norm, hence when I cuss someone out I don’t necessarily see that as not treating someone the way I feel I wouldn’t want to be treated, because it’s has worked for others in my life, right? If my parents beat me senselessly, and I look at myself, on the surface I say; “It must be okay because I turned out okay”, but did you? If I was involved with someone who never seemed to have anything good to say about me, or was physically abusive, I must have deserved it, didn’t I” If my father, or family member or other men in my life raped me, isn’t that how all men treat women, Is it? In order to learn to love ourselves, treat someone as we want to be treated we have to be willing to first go down the road of identifying what is healthy behavior. I need to be sure I know what love is in order to give love to its fullest. Let’s glimpse at this concept – I had a friend once tell me; “You should believe I love you because I tell you so.” In my head I thought, “Really?”
Here’s why, riddle me this is “love” a word or an action?
If you said an action then you are definitely right. Peek into this thought process, if I treat you with love and respect, if I consider you at times over my own desires and wants, if I treat you with kindness, if I am ready to forgive quickly, if I seek what is in the best interest of you and those you love, if I really listen when you talk to me, if I support you at whatever stage you are in your life with encouragement, if I treat you in a selfless manner and not a selfish one, if I take the time to get to know you and shower you with a love than embraces, encourages, corrects with kindness and respect, and doesn’t set our to provoke you, would I really need to tell you I love you, or is it shown in my actions?
I submit my actions tell you everything. You either feel love or hate. You either feel kindness or meanness. You either feel treasured or treated like trash. You either feel valued or devalued. You either feel honored or taken for granted.
The ultimate question is, within these statements, which do you prefer to be treated? Ah, it is then that you can begin down the path that helps you understand how you can learn to love yourself. You need to see yourself through the eyes of your Creator and then take the position that you are in agreement and no one, I mean absolutely no one can come into your life and define you in any other way!
Let’s see what the Creator says:
What you first must understand before the reveal, is this: God made a footprint of you that was uniquely you. He didn't make two of you, eve if you're twins you're different. He chose DNA, your finger prints that would identify only you, and said, "I will make her like no one else. She will be a one of a kind."
Then He spoke these words:
Then He spoke these words:
“You are fearfully and wonderfully made! Marvelous are His works that my SOUL knows very well! That means those hips He gave you, are fearful. Those luscious lips He gave you are kissable. Those thighs He gave you are exquisite. That mass of locks that adorn your head, make you regal!! That full stature is the envy of those who criticize you (haters), those breasts, whatever the size, are masterful and are adequate to satisfy your husband and provide nourishment for your newborn baby. That nose, that has such purpose, and sits in such a prominent place, is unique and distinctive to you and you alone. Your skin tone, whether it be a rich caramel or a dark sumptuous chocolate, was made with you in mind. He knew the chosen hue would be an accent, the icing on the cake that would mesmerize, enchant, and encourage all other women encountered to understand how perfect they are in appearance to Him. Your exceptional feet that carry that fearless physique, whatever size that magnificent physique maybe, is just right to adorn the shoes you wear to carry you to help out a friend, a family member or a co-worker. They perform the tasks the Creator designed them to do. Your hands, designed to hold life and embrace others are without question, yours all by themselves, no one can compare to their wonders. Your body that the Creator, fashioned and looked upon and said “My, my, that’s good! That’s real good!!” was shaped to cradle the heart that loves selflessly, the reproductive system that is the carrier of life, the brain that uses its function to make decisions that produce healthy communities, homes, and workplaces, a brain that understands the importance of speaking life instead of death into those around.
The Creator says, “You are complete in Him” That means no one in this world can add anything to you. Someone may compliment and enhance you, but at the end of the day they are not essential to your life.
The Creator says, “You are the apple of His eye”. That means that your very existence brings Him great pleasure. He enjoys spending time with you. You are valuable to Him.
I could go on and on, and I will with a part two tomorrow. So to answer the question, how do I learn to love myself? Learn to see yourself through the eyes of the Creator.
If you have any questions you would like answered you can ask them on this blog, on facebook – facebook.com/connectwithangelaharris.com, twitter @keepingitrealAH, or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org