Many people get caught up on the outward trapping of an individual. We try to fit all the other important character traits into a superficial package after we’ve allowed looks to be our primarily focus. We get caught up on body size, height, smell, eye color, voice. Then we tend to look at what car he drives and the job he has. After we get those things locked in we try to shove in, kindness, tenderness, respect, selflessness, and a sprinkling of “he goes to church” as an afterthought, while all the while crossing our fingers, saying, “I hope. I hope he really has those traits”. For some strange reason we’ve allowed the outward trapping to become our Achilles heel, that which trips us up, that which exposes our most vulnerable part, our heart and jacks it up to the utmost. It is only when we can separate the superficial and seek out the inner person that we will begin to establish and remain in stable relationships. If we change our focus it is then that we will see the divorce rate drop. It’s a sad day when the divorce rate amongst Christian have passed that of non-Christians. There is something extremely wrong with that!
Here’s what I am getting at. The character traits I spoke of in the early part of this article, where a fire is concerned, would be considered kindling. Kindling is the stuff that is used to start the fire, but if all the fire had was kindling, it would burn out immediately and that, beloved, is exactly what we are experiencing in relationships today. We have built relationships on external trappings and failed to build them on internal longevity. In order for a fire to burn for long periods of time you need logs. Logs in the character realm are the following: the intent of the heart, the actions shown over a consistent period of time, how one treats you, an individual’s willingness to accept their responsibilities, an individual’s desire to seek your best, an individual’s active traits that doesn’t simply declare, “I am a Christian”, but shows it by their very actions, an individual’s ability to deal with disappointment, handle difficult situations, an individual’s commitment to provide, protect, and respect.
From a provision stand point, is the man willing to work two jobs to ensure that the family is provided for? Someone just said, “Oh she’s old fashioned. Men don’t have to work like that women can and do contribute”. See you jumped the gun. The statement isn’t that he has to, the question is, is he willing to if he finds a need to? On a side note -please don’t underscore or despise the contributions of a stay at home mother, she is contributing in a large way and is extremely invaluable to the development of the next generation.
From a protection stand point, is the man willing to lay down his life for you if necessary? Wow! A protector ensures no harm comes to the one placed in his protective care. This means as well as her physical form he also protects her heart. He doesn’t cheat on her, beat her, insult her, embarrass her, or take her for granted.
The truth about these qualities is you must take the time to get to know the person you are spending time with. You must experience this person in various surroundings. If he has children, how does he treat them? Provide for them? How does he treat you around his friends? Other women? You can fake some things over a short period of time and if we realize shortness can deceive we will slow down and make calculated informed decisions about our future. If we are really honest with ourselves and each other, we are given the opportunity to know the person in our midst we simple choose to ignore the warning signs.
Another reality is this, the only way you can truly assess a person is to do so with a level head. Ladies let’s face it once sex enters into the equation, we tend to lose all realm of reason. We go death, dumb, and blind. Try this and prove me right or wrong. When you encounter a man you are attracted to, don’t give the milk for free, with hold yourself. Now you have to really be committed to this because you can’t be level headed for a couple months or weeks. You have to maintain a platonic relationship for a long period of time, preferably until your wedding night, in order for you to truly know another person’s character. From personal experience I have learned when you remain both commit to remaining celibate you get the opportunity to clearly hear what he says. Your brain doesn’t seem as twisted, it prepared to hear and accept the truth about the person you are considering a relationship with. The warning signs are glaring, so glaring you have to cut it off in order for you to be able to breathe again.Now are looks important? I am not suggesting that there isn’t a place for them I am suggesting that looks cannot be the only standard for which you set for a relationship, with the internal traits being secondary. I submit to you, that if a man as described with the internal traits entered your life, looks would be the secondary consideration, if at all.
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