A Wife and Mother by God’s Design

God clearly outlined the character traits of a wife and a mother in the Holy Bible, His wonderful masterpiece. God understood how important this position would be so, as He always does, He provided timeless wisdom to order our steps.

Mother:

God found her so special in purpose and design that He took special care in making her. Genesis 2:20b-22, tells us there wasn’t a suitable mate for Adam so God made Eve and presented her to Adam. The passage tells us God took great care when He made her. He made it clear at the conception of humanity that the woman was not to walk behind her husband, under the foot of her husband, and neither was she to Lord over him as He didn’t take the bone from Adam’s back, or foot, or head. He began the process by taking a rib from Adam’s side and set the stage for a partnership that would stand side by side. God fashioned her. He gave her breasts so she would have a place of comfort, a place for her husband and her children to lay their head. She would also be able to provide all the nutrients that her newborn children would need to live. God knew this special time would allow mother and baby to bond and grow in spirit together. God gave women well-defined, curvaceous hips to bear children as they grew from embryo to mature baby. He made her the weaker vessel 1 Peter 3:7. This weakness didn’t make her a second class citizen. On the contrary, it made her more in tune to the needs of others. Her heart was softer. She could freely express herself and shed tears for the less fortunate. She was fashioned with intuition, so when her children or her husband came home and didn’t say anything, she instinctively would know something was troubling them and she would make her presence and love known to them.

God made mothers to be the moral barometer of the world. By the very softness of her heart she challenges men to see the needy and oppressed in a different light (Proverbs 31:20). Because of her moral excellence her children rise up and call her blessed (Proverbs 31:28). God made the mother wise. Proverbs 31:26 says “she opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” Ladies, do you teach your children with kindness, or with hate and disdain? Can your children feel your love and know without a doubt that you love them no matter what? Do you tell your children you are so glad God gave you such special bundles of joy? A mother and a wife ensures that the household runs smoothly. She doesn’t allow anything harmful to enter her home. She guards all doors and windows with prayers that prevent intruders from entering. She also makes the most of her time in the day (Proverbs 31:27). This means she does not spend her day watching soap operas, gossiping on the phone, sleeping, or the like; she is committed to meeting the needs of her family. If necessary, she works to help supplement resources in the home (Proverbs 31:24). She dresses with

wholesome and pure consciousness (Proverbs 25a). She has a positive outlook on life and ensures that her family does also (Proverbs 25b). She sets the example for her daughters to emulate as they grow older and sets a model for her sons to strive for when choosing a mate. This lines up with the admonishment in Proverbs 22:6, train up a child in the way he should go, when he is old he will not depart from it.

Wife:

Proverbs 31:10 says, “Who can find an excellent wife? For her worth is far above jewels.” This kind of wife has the trust of her husband. Because of this trust he can focus on his role as provider and head of the house. The word of God tells us there will be no lack in the home, when a man has a wife he can trust and depend on to meet his needs (Proverbs 31:11). The scripture defines a wife as one who is better than jewels. “She does her husband good and not evil all the days of her life.” My, my, this wife God designed speaks life into her husband and never death (Proverbs 18:12). She is his cheerleader, his counselor and his friend. She doesn’t speak death into her husband and she refuses to entertain words from friends or family that do not edify him (Proverbs 31:12).

Proverbs 12:4 tells us a woman who shames her husband is as rottenness to his bones. This woman fronts her husband out in front of his friends, family and co-workers. She shows him up every chance she gets. She takes pride in ripping him apart with her tongue. She uses her body as a weapon of submission. It is better for a husband to live in the corner of a roof than in a house with a contentious nagging wife. Proverbs 21:19 continues the thought by saying it is better for a husband to live in a desert land, than to live with a contentious and vexing woman. Ladies if your husband no longer comes home and does not wish to spend time with you, take personal inventory and see if you are that nagging, get-on-your-last-nerve type of spouse.

An excellent wife is her husband’s crown. All of his friends, family, and associates know he has been truly blessed with a wonderful wife because of the way she carries herself. Get this, ladies, his boys are green with envy! (Proverbs 31:23). When you walk in the way of God’s design your husband sings your praises to you personally and to the world publicly because you fear the Lord. Your husband looks to your heart and not your body so you don’t have to trip about how much weight you’ve put on, or that beautiful woman who started working at his office, or the sister who started attending your church. Your husband only has eyes for you!

When a man finds a wife he finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22)  Pay close attention ladies. You are NOT the hunter. Let the man do the hunting, you just wait to be found. By waiting and then ultimately being found, you bring favor with the Lord into your husband’s life. My, my, my how precious you are!

Finally, an excellent wife is submitted to the authority of her own husband (Ephesians 5:22-23). Now before you say, “You lost me there,” reread the top part of this article. If you embrace God’s design for a wife and mother and you believe you fit the bill, this should be a no brainer. You do not have to forget who you are and forgo your identity and your creativity. It simply means your husband is the head of the house as designed by God. You must submit to him as unto the Lord when the instruction given lines up with the word of God. God is not telling you to submit if you are asked or told to do something directly contrary to His word. Pray that your husband is hearing from God and trust that he follows God’s instruction. This passage does not mean you play no role in the decision making process or your input has no value. It just means that after all discussions have been made known and thoroughly explored, you allow your husband to make the final decision. You are no less an important part of the development of your household.

So you see, in His rich word God has laid out how to become a wife and a mother after His own heart. As you celebrate Mother’s Day I remain prayerful that the words provided will minister to your heart and all is well with you and your family.

Change is inevitable

So far we have explored topics/ideas such as “Change begins with me” and “Be the change you want to see.” We will take the next journey of change and explore the reality that change is inevitable. Throughout history you’ve seen the change of flight, the change of driving, the change of listening to music, the change in clothing, the change in ways we communicate, the change in what is or isn’t acceptable on television or on the radio. We’ve seen opinions change time, you name it and for the most part people have moved toward, what is called the left, on moral issues. Dress and hair styles have changed even the church has changed. We’ve moved from writing letters, to typing letters, having to use carbon paper, then white out and now we’ve changed to the computer to write out letters (I say thank God to that!). Bottom line there is very little that hasn’t changed since our early beginnings and change will continue until the end of time.

Many people are reluctant to the acceptance of change; they moan and groan, complain about it, and lodge a campaign to prevent it. Sometimes those campaigns have been good, other times they have been catastrophic. Nevertheless if you are one of those who have a challenge with change you might as well get over it or it’s going to roll over you anyway. Because as the Mayor of San Francisco stated, “you better get ready because it’s coming.”

There was a book called “who moved my cheese” by Spencer Johnson. The principle of the book is very simple change is inevitable so you might as well learn to identify the signs and then be prepared to move with change. Of course not all change will be embraced and shouldn’t be embraced you must be able to discern between appropriate and inappropriate change.

Examples of unhealthy change:

• Your children running your house
• People, especially Christians, living together until their wedding day.
• People, opting to receive government assistance instead of actively pursuing a job to provide for themselves and their families.
• Special interest being the primary driving force of influencing elections.
• People turning a blind eye to injustices and crime on the streets instead of being proactive in eradicating both unhealthy behaviors.
• Church becoming the least single influence in the home
• People coming dressed anyway to church, in the name of come as you are.
• Lack of reverence to God
• Removal of prayer from school
• 
  The identification of Christian holiday’s with secular contemporary distinctions. (i.e. Happy Holiday’s, Spring break)

I am sure you can continue to add to the list of unhealthy change. The truth about many of the changes is that those who remained silent and those who went along with them are just as guilty for our demise as those who instigated the change.

Examples:

• Removal of prayer out of school also followed the removal of prayer in the home.
• Christian holiday’s distinctions we too started referring to them in the same way and worse we began celebrating them with the same secular concepts of course throwing in a little God every now and then.
• 
  Lack of reverence of God; we emulate that by our irreverent behavior in the raising of our children, the example we set on our work place, with our families, and our friends.
• Church being one of the least significant influences of the family. We are no longer attending church, honoring it neither making it an important part of our families’ regular experience.

I won’t go through them all but I am sure you get the point. We must not only accept that change is a reality we must also zealously guard our hearts, our families, our minds, our communities, our schools, and the like, ensuring that we maintain a say in the change that is taking place.

 If it is true that change is inevitable what is your plan to deal with that reality?

Here are some thoughts:

In home stop letting the media, the schools, the community, or your friends be the driving force as to what you find acceptable. Take the stance like Joshua, “as for me and my house we are going to serve the Lord.” Curfew – when I was coming up when the street lights came on if you weren’t in front of your home, you were in deep trouble – painful trouble!

• Take the stance if you don’t work you don’t eat. This trickles down the food chain. Our children should have chores round the house, every able bodied adult, not in school full time, should be employed contributing to the finances of the home. When did government assistance become the acceptable way of life? It was meant to help in a time of trouble it was never meant to be a lifelong pursuit.
• Stop taking exception to your children having premarital sex, because you feel under eighteen is too young, while it is, and yet you are having premarital. Where in the bible did it state fornicating having an age limit? Right, it didn’t. Live your life on God’s terms and not yours so that you children and those around may take your lead and do the same.
• When you enter church view it as God did with Abraham telling him to take off his sandals as he is standing on holy ground. When we come before God we should come wearing our best. If a pair of jeans and a t-shirt is your best then you’re honoring God. But let’s face it most of those coming to church are coming dressed any kind of way. You face isn’t washed your children’s hair isn’t combed. And many women are truly coming dressed inappropriately, breast hanging out, skirts hiked up to the wazoo, really? Not only is the dress inappropriate but so are the attitudes. People texting, talking, sleeping, and mind on other things. Let’s work on being sure our minds are truly focused on the One who is supposed to be the object of our desire on that day at least.  

• Let the child be the child and the parent be the parent. Stop letting your children call the shots. Speak like Bill Cosby, “I brought you into this world and I will take you out.” Not literally obviously our children no longer have a healthy fear of their parents, that’s why they are losing their minds.
• Vote – Vote – Vote! Stay on top of the issues affecting your community, your state, and your country. Be informed and stop relying on the media to instruct you. Get involved in your local planning groups, your look political action committees, local elected officials committees, and your school board.

So as we began change is inevitable just make sure you are a guide, an intricate agent of that change and not the residue of it.

Be the change you want to see

This article is the second installment of a series developed to address change. Yesterday I wrote an article entitled “Change begins with me” (look in the table of contents) You should really ensure you begin with that article before progressing to this one. Today I am extending that article to encourage each of us to "become the chance we want to see" (Mahatma Ghandi). I believe I was correct when I began the exploration of the need for us to understand that true change in any environment begins with each of us individually. Once that individual assessment has taken place then we merge into a change combined with renewed minds of a group of people who seek common ground in order to begin a movement for the better. If we didn’t first explore the fact that it is easier to take a position that things in this world, on our jobs, in our homes, in our families stem from someone else’s influence and not ours, then we find it darn near impossible to heal broken situations, because of course someone else is the problem not me. They’re the ones who need fixing, not me. I don’t want to pretend that there aren’t barriers in our lives that other people contribute to, having said that it is equally important for each of us to be honest with ourselves and explore the contributing factors our behaviors, attitudes, and choices have brought to bear on our current situation.

 

R. Kelly sang a song “I believe I can fly”. In that song it had one line that I believe speaks directly to the principle of being the change you want to see. The line went like this, “If I can see it, then I can do it, if I just believe it there's nothing to it.” In order for change to take root you must first believe that change is possible. You must believe that change must happen and you must be committed to ensuring that change happens!

Steps to ensuring change happens:

• Admit that there are something’s that need to change
• Take responsibility for the role you’ve played in the current state of affairs.
• Take a proactive role in isolating those areas in your life that need to be surgically removed. (i.e; People in your life who are more of a liability than an asset, mindsets in your life that tear you down and prevent growth, substances that prevent physical and mental health, environments that are toxic, poisonous to your sanity.)
• 
  Perform the surgery and remove those toxic, unhealthy elements.

How do you move into becoming the change you want to see? Great question.

1. You must be transformed by the renewing of your mind. All unhealthy habits, beliefs, and practices that you have been feed over the years whether by television, through conversations from well-meaning people, by way of learned behaviors must be analyzed through a sound base of reference. Bottom line if what you’ve been doing over these however many years has kept you in bondage you’re getting your advice from the wrong source. Change your source. Of course the correct source is the Operators manual the bible. In it you find answers to every life issue you will face. Remember it took you a while to get to the mental state you’re in so be patient with yourself, remain focused, consistent, and fight like your very life depends on it. Because in fact your very life may depend on it!

2. You must surround yourself with people who are positive, people who exemplify the change you want to see.

3.  Apply the newly learned behaviors to your everyday life. You don’t want the behaviors to be forced or fake. The newly learned behaviors should emulate, reflect exactly who you’ve become.

4. Lead change by example. Don’t peach it and hide behind a rock, step out boldly and trust that God is in the midst of the change and will support your efforts to heal a broken situation. Remember this change is going to be drastic. We’ve been admonished to stand on this very principle of broken relationships. “If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves and pray and turn from their wicked ways (change) then will I hear from heaven then will I heal their land.”

5. Use all the weapons at your disposal to bring about change. (i.e; prayer, scripture, praise and worship, liturgical dance, fasting, silence.) Stand on these guiding principles – “if God be for you who can be against you? No weapon formed against you shall prosper. He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shelter of the Almighty, though one thousand may fall at your left hand and ten thousand at your right it (whatever “it” is) shall not come near you. The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want. God is a very present help in a time of trouble.”

6. Trust the processes. At the end of the day you must trust the process and the One who created the process.

If you follow these principles I am certain you will become the change you want to see!

Through the eyes of a child

Through the eyes of your child what emits back through their cornea, the part of the eye that is like a camera lens? What is it that your child or children see of you on a regular basis? Are you giving them the opportunity to see you in a positive light or a negative light? God has given children to us as a precious gift. We have the responsibility to raise them up in a way that is pleasing to God. That means that we are not to live a life that says do as I say not as I do. It means that we are to live a life that they can emulate later in life and instill those same values and principles in their children.   So much damage is being done by parents to their children that are absolutely mindboggling and downright shameful.  The children born to you did not choose you and yet they’re stuck with you and yet God did choose you to be their parent. Let me ask you, through the eyes of a child; is this the image they see?

• A parent who insists their child/children go to church and yet the parent lives their life as though they don’t know Jesus the other six days of the week?
• 
  A parent who walks around saying God bless you and out of your mouth on a regular basis the child hears you cussing them and others out?
• A parent who puts their respective courting partner before the needs of their own child?
• A parent who parades a different set of courting partners in front of the children only to confuse them by one minute being their “dad” and then the next minute they are to become nothing to the child?
• A parent who brings courting partners into their lives that have no values and no morals? Living off of you and contributing nothing?
• A parent who brings courting partners into their lives who are abusive to you and your children?
• A parent who says do as I say not I as I do further confusing the child? Example – you are not married and your child is exposed to your sexual encounters, partners spending the night, and yet you tell the child they shouldn’t have sex. Based on what example? Where in the bible does it say if you’re over the age of eighteen then sex before marriage is okay? Why in the world are you expecting your child to make better decisions that the example you place before them on a regular basis?
• A parent who misappropriates funds given by God opting for frivolity then can’t pay the basic bills needed to provide for your family?
• 
  A parent who has child after child by a different courting partner?
• A parent who tells their child they’ll never amount to anything? Calls their child stupid? Is always tearing them down?

I could go on and on and I encourage you to continue to paint the picture for yourself and others. The question begs is this really the image you want your child to have of you? Don’t you want to give your children a chance in life? Many times our children act up because we are not giving them the love, the time, the attention, or the encouragement they need to mine their way through this thing called life. Our young girls search for the love of a man that they just can’t seem to get from their fathers. This means they tend to get together with any pair of britches if they dare to say those six magic words, “Girl you know I love you.” Our young men tend to emulate the men they’ve seen come around or worse they have a strong need to prove themselves and an even stronger need to feel accepted since they’ve been torn down by the very one who should be building them up. This is for free – you are not to be your child’s friend until they are an adult! You are supposed to raise them to be responsible adults, discipline them, instruct them, guide them, and love them.

Here are some images that should be seen and embraced through the eyes of a child:

• A parent who encourages them to be the best they can be.
• A parent who exercises tough love, when, the occasion calls for it.
• A parent who if they say they are a Christian is identified as such not because you say it but because the child witnesses Christian behavior by you on a regular basis. You are a walking epistle. The child sees you praying and trusting God so they too will know how to trust and pray to God.
• A parent who lives a life that is not reflective of the very things you’re telling their children not to do.
• 
  A parent who shows by example what it means to have work ethics, be a good citizen, and  live in a way that exudes character and respect for authority.
• A parent who has a spirit of hospitality, a spirit of compassion, and one who always endeavors to see the best in others.

You can add to this list also.  It is time out for the constant destruction being done to our children and time for parents, actually long overdue, for parents to be parents is a way that builds our children up instead of tearing them down. Like marriage parenthood should not be entered into lightly. You will have to sacrifice, you will have to discipline yourself, you will have to put some of your wants and desires on the back burner to ensure that your children’s needs are met both emotionally and financially. Remember you’re the one who decided to have children so you should be the one making the sacrifice and you should be the one ensuring that you are raising healthy children who are an asset to those they encounter and not a liability to them. If we don’t stop this emotional chaotic rollercoaster that has taken over the very fabric of the family then we position ourselves to continue to see the following:

• Escalating divorces
• Escalating violence towards one another
• Escalating sexual promiscuity
• Escalating single parent households
• Escalating emotionally disturbed children

Let’s stop the cycle.  If you have not lived in a way that you want your child to see you apologize to your child and immediately begin a corrective program to bring your child/children into a healthy realm of existence.