Don't Get It Twisted!! If A Man Wants you.......

  If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.  If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.  If a man wants you he will move heaven and earth to meet his manly duties toward you.  If a man wants you he will cherish you and treat you like the precious commodity you were meant to be.  If a man wants you he will not only be faithful to you but will want to be faithful to you.  If a man wants you he will treat those things precious to you in the same manner.  If a man wants you he will respect you in word and deed. If a man wants you he accepts you for who you are not who he wants you to be.   

 I know someone right now is saying “wants”? Does one who “wants” really do these things or is it the man who loves? I use want for affect, having said that don’t get it twisted, it all boils down to a love that is unconditional, focused, committed, mature, and willing to be tested in order to see those fiery embers burn for a life time.

As a friend of mine always says, “He says what he means,” And I say, “he means what he says!”

The reason why that statement is so important is because too many times we as women and our well-meaning friends tend to negate what a man has said and have had some very sad conversations that go something like this: “Girl you know he didn’t mean that.” Yes, he did! Don’t get it twisted!  For sanity sake you better start embracing that. If he meant something different let him be the one to correct it and not you, your mother, your girlfriend, or your co-worker.

Here are some salient points to ponder:

  • Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Having said that, stop trying to change yourself for anyone except God. Trust God’s idea for who and what you are to be and allow God to send a man who can appreciate what God has made. 

o    Slower is better. Never live your life for a man. Always live your life to the glory of God. There are considerations we are to give for our husbands – as he is our first ministry it’s just the key word is husband. To many of us give a man (our boo, our boyfriend, our significant other) benefits that were only mean to be given to your husband.

  • If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. 
  • Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better."  You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. Time is precious and why waste it on someone who you know in your gut is not the right one.

  • The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

  • Avoid men with a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? 

  • Always have your own set of friends separate from his. He should never become your all and all where you neglect the things about you that you enjoyed that helped shape who you are. Having your own set of friends is extremely healthy.

  • You are not designed nor called to be the bread winner. If during your dating process he is not responsible and taking care of his own financial business, then run!!!! One of the fundamental responsibilities of your future husband is to provide! He’s already showing you that he’s not up to the task.
  • Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. 
  • You cannot change a man's behavior.  Change comes from within.
  •  Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or is in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more, nothing less.

  •    Never let a man define who you are. 
  • Never borrow someone else's man.
  • If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.  A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.  
  •  You should not be the one doing all the bending ... compromise is a two-way street. 
  • Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always knows where you are and you’re always readily available to him he may take it for granted.
  • Never move into his mother's house.
  • Never co-sign for a man – financially or emotionally. (Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!) 
  • Don't fully commit to a man who has not fully committed to you and has not expressed his intentions to do so. As stated earlier if a man wants you nothing will keep him away from you. You should not have to, neither should you ever nag a man into making a commitment to you.
A male friend just texted me last night with these sentiments: “Always remember in the animal kingdom a male will do everything to attract a female of his desire. If this sacrifice is not made a female should recognize and know if he doesn’t give his all in his pursuit, he won’t give his all once in the relationship.”

Remember, regardless of what you’ve experienced, all men are NOT dogs and it’s unfair for you to treat them as such or label them as such. Each man is an individual and should be judged individually by their own merits.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

I am sure you get the point – You need to understand your value, your worth, and you need to set standards in your life that complement those beliefs. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, marvelous are God’s works that my soul knows very well and so it should be with you!! I pray for a healthy, God-centered relationship that is laced with love, grace, mercy, and of course PASSION!

Love Always,

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