"The Hook-Up" Culture and Beyond - Time to Revise Your Relationship Resumes

I am so sick and tired of listening to women talking about what a man needs to have in order to be in their life, and the stuff he needs to have is generally material, so I ask the question “What does he get from you?” So many women have this laundry list of what they ultimately want the man to have who is blessed to be in their presence. The list usually looks something like this:

1.       Good looking

2.       Nice physique

3.       Good Job

4.       Nice Car

5.       Romantic

6.       A good and considerate lover

7.       Tall
8.       No baby’s mama/or at least no baby mama drama
9.       Ability to help pay her bills when she needs help
10.   Free/generous with his finances - not stingy
11.   Good sense of humor
12.   Strong/protector
13.   Spontaneous

You get the picture. So I ask again what does he get from you that is equal to what you get from him? I believe the place to begin when setting your sights on a mate is to spend as much time as possible on you, getting your resume together. The problem that I have is that many of the women who speak out on such things bring little if nothing to the table. Let me ask the question I believe the man above would like to see in the woman he would devote his time too:

1.       Good looking
2.       Physically fit
3.       Good cook
4.       Good homemaker
5.       Intelligent
6.       An encourager – someone he truly looks forward to coming home to and will be his biggest cheerleader, someone to put her foot in his behind when he needs that aggressive push.
7.       A good mother for his children – good values and a good example
8.       Frugal – ability to manage household finances – not a spend thrift but one who spends wisely.
9.       Not idle, not a gossiper, not a busybody someone who choses her friends wisely
10.   A woman with little to no drama
11.   A good and reciprocal lover
12.   Confident
13.   Good natured – good sense of humor

 Now if you’re honest the resumes are not necessarily realistic on the surface as these resumes speak of perfection in the natural. Because you see I didn’t even address the spiritual. So let’s go ahead and add that.

1.       Is of the same faith
2.       Has an active life that reflects that faith
3.       Lives by the scriptures, teaches the scriptures
4.       Has a servant’s heart – desiring the best for the other not always insisting on being the center of attention but yields so the other may shine in their own right.
5.       Submits to each other
6.       Functions in the relationship as a respected partner and submits to the appropriate authority

I believe that each of us, if we’re committed to excellence within, are always striving to improve our resumes in the business world, but we tend to neglect our relationship resume. It is my recommendation that if you can’t present a stellar resume don’t set’s your sights on a stellar mate. Each of us should have standards, those standards must represent a reality that allows for growth as well as allows for one to come into their own. While it is not our responsibility to teach people and to grow them up, we do have the ability to influence by our very presence in their lives. There are some basic non-negotiable standards that should set our framework.

1.       Both must have jobs
2.       Both must have an active faith life
3.       Both should have little to no drama in their lives
4.       Both should leave their past in the past and not hold the other accountable for past relationships
5.       Both must communicate their likes and dislikes and not expect the other to read their minds
6.       Both, if they have children, should be stellar parents who honor and take care of their responsibilities
7.       Both should be willing to share the cost of entertaining each other
8.       Both should respect each other space
9.       Both should enter the relationship accepting the person for who they are and not come in with an agenda of changing them
10.   Neither should expect the other to pay their bills. You should be independent in your own right.

Notice none of these “must haves” or “should haves” were superficial but lasting character traits that are lasting and transferable to equip the next generation. So the next time you begin speaking out your list for your idea mate check your own resume and ask the optimum question: “What does she or he get in return?” Hopefully you will not find out that the answer to your question is “not much”.