As a woman am I to lessen myself, spend my time stroking the ego of a man who is insecure? I say ABSOLUTELY NOT!! Especially, if I had nothing to do with his insecurities. While I strongly believe it is important for wives to be their husbands biggest cheerleader, I don’t believe if he lacks self-esteem stemming from internalized issues, if he feels inferior because of his own predetermined, preconceived notions, that a woman has to lessen herself in order to make him feel good, especially when the lessening really puts the man in a position of feeling superior. Having said that it is important to try to understand where your mate is coming from. If there is a healthy way to help him grow, then of course, without question we should try to be in his corner.
Please understand this is not an indictment on all men, I love men. There are clearly some phenomenal men in our midst, this is simply an issue I hear from women on a regular basis and I personally have encountered men like this more times that I am willing to count. So I felt compelled to speak on this. I believe men are a remarkable creation of God, it’s just the truth must be told on this issue, then embraced and respected. It is then and only then that men and women can embrace each other fully and completely. So let the healing begin!
Gladys Knight sings one of my favorite songs, "The Need to Be". As a young girl I loved this song, little did I know, as a grown woman that song would become my personal national anthem. The lyrics that resonated with me were “to fulfill the need to be who I am in this world is all ask. I can’t survive in someone else’s shadow I need my very own little spot to stand. So if you’re sure it’s love just be sure it’s love for me and only me, because I am what I am and I have the need to be.” What those lyrics say to me is, while there is importance to the feelings and emotions of others, and I must be respectful of that, I can never lose sight of my own value, my own worth, my own dreams, and my own goals. I cannot and will not stop being the brilliant creation God has made me. I will not dumb down my conversation, underscore my views, rewrite my direction, or allow anyone, male or female, to pigeon hole me, ambush me, or push me against a wall because he or she can’t deal with the greatness in me.
If I am more or equally creative as you, deal with it.
If people desire my presence as much or more than yours accept it gracefully!!!!
Realizing this is not a competition!!!
If my knowledge is on par or greater than yours don’t hate me, or try to shut me down but embrace me. If challenged, increase in your knowledge. Find peace in this process, especially if my knowledge simply is, and doesn’t set out to shame you, up stage you, or minimize you, but encourages you through loving action to become the best that you can be.
If my income is higher than yours don’t judge me as one who doesn’t “need” a man. Don’t take my higher income as the banner that says “I don’t need anyone”, “She’s independent”. Don’t let my income status define me, but spend time getting to know me. Applaud my accomplishments and stop turning them into a fowl taste in the mouth of others. Stop making a females success a dirty word or her independence that she had no choice to obtain because no one who endeavoring to provide for her, sound like some emasculating trait.
I am personally fed up with men, who disregard women, or label them as ball busters, don’t get me wrong there are some who truly are ball busters in a bad way, simply because they have succeeded so far in life. There is an equally bad taste in my mouth for men who disregard women who are strong, passionate, intelligent, able, confident, and willing, if necessary, to go it alone rather than to settle for less than the best of their equivalent.
Another line in Gladys Knight’s song is, “there’s a need to be something more than just a reflection of a man.” Let men be men and women be women. There is not a scripture that I can think of that says a woman should be under the foot of a man, walk behind him, or shriek at his very presence. There is not a scripture I know that criticizes a woman for being strong, supportive, intelligent, innovative, or sound in scripture able to teach others how to live a victorious life.
So today I tell the world I choose to be who I am with no apologizes and anyone who cannot accept that can go to the devil.
And may it be so with you!!!
Look for the next article, “A Passive or Assertive Man, Which do You Prefer?”
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