What I want may not be what he wants… (part two)

I decided to do a part two because I realized that the first article – What I want may not be what He wants … dealt with the big He (God) and that we should also focus on the little he (man). It has been my experience with my own choices and the choices of others that we got connected with people and we endeavored to mold them create them, drag them along into the areas of life we want. Because of course we know what was best for them. It really is a common phenomenon that happens daily and many of us are completely unaware. Some of us are even the product of trying to become, morph into the image, the idea that someone else has created for us. We are so insecure and desperate and afraid that no one will want us that we endeavor to become someone we really are not.

Here’s an example of a list of things we want others to embrace that may not be what they want:

·         Getting married

·         Entertaining

·         Having children

·         Obtaining wealth

·         Going to church

·         Traveling

·         Befriending our friends and family

·         How we think they should dress

·         What they should eat

·         How they should walk and talk

·         Their career direction and choices

None of these are bad things in of themselves if you have mutual agreement. They are all horrible if you’re the one pursuing the above things and at the same time are trying to force these ideas, desires, and wants on someone else. You are setting yourself up for a straight let down, pain, disappointment, and many sleepless and restless nights. The unfortunate thing about this process is that there is no real desire within the individual you are trying to mold to become the person you want. The operative word is “YOU”. They can only try to for so long before they have a melt down and rebel. Here’s where the rubber meet the road on the conversation of maybe what you want is not what he wants. Not only do we find ourselves forcing people into lives they never expressed an interest in we also drag God into the equation by asking Him to bless this mess. At the end of the day you cannot get made at someone for not living up to your expectations in truth you should ask their forgiveness.

Then there’s you trying to become the person, the person you’ve chosen to spend your time with want you to become. You dye your hair the color he likes, you become the size he wants, you even have sex the way he enjoys it. The list goes on as above and at the end of the day it’s not really you who’s dissatisfied it’s the individual who was trying to change you. You see that person can see through the façade that you’re not really who you’re trying to be and he becomes bored and begins the mode of “next”.  So in the end not only have you morphed into someone you’re not you’re left with the excruciating exercise of redefining and rediscovering just who you really are, that is until the next person comes in your life with a new picture of who they want you to be.

Your life’s journey must be about your desires, your dreams, your goals, your hopes, and your beliefs. The optimum objective is to meet someone who too has their own identity they own dreams, goals, hopes, and beliefs that marry nicely with yours. Neither should become what the other wants if it is not what either individual is seeking. This is not to say that each does not have the ability to bring some great insight and opportunities to each other it simply means that you both respect each other and embrace each other’s journey. In the ideal world you would complement each other. Notice I used the world complement and not compete. A relationship is not to be and should not be a battle of the wills or a competition. Also and this is for free, opposite may attract but they very rarely find lasting happiness. Opposite attraction is generally based on sexual appeal and desires.

Being equally yoked it not exclusive to religion. It has to do with all of the above. These useless exercises of trying to force someone into a life they never asked for and you trying to become someone you’re not and never really wanted to be to please another person are mentally and physically exhausting. Once you accept the plan that God has for you in your life and you embrace it and thrive within it you then have to trust God to bring into your life the perfect complement to the journey laid out for you both. There’s an old saying if it doesn’t fit don’t force it.